One big happy family

I have skipped around in my blog, going from the past to the present, and then back again, but I hope that I haven't confused my readers TOO much!

A lot of things have changed in our lives over the past couple of years, but with each passing day things are getting easier. I am a much happier person now that I have all of that negativity out of my life. I am not being judged, used  and constantly put down, and it feels great to wake up each day and realize that I DO matter, and that I am loved UNCONDITIONALLY....by at least 4 people in this world :)

So today's post will be dedicated to my husband, and my children, and to all of the GREAT things that are happening in my life right now!  The past is the past, and I can't ever change it, but I can use it as motivation for change in my own life and to understand what NOT to do as a parent. 

Things are going great in my life, and I am very thankful for that. I have a really good job, and have even recently started investing  in a retirement account with my company (which is a big step for me because it has been quite a while since I have had a decent job)

My little guy (who turned 5 in February) will be starting kindergarten in September, WOW! my little man is growing up so fast. He is very ready to start school which is a relief, but mommy will miss him! I'm sure, that just like everything else, we will adjust. I do have to say, the alone time will be nice. For the first time in 13yrs I will actually have time to do what I want....that's kinda exciting! My little guy lost his 2nd tooth today! Geeeez, I can't believe how big my kids are getting! I know I am biased, but I do have to say that I have 3 amazing kids! We frequently get compliments on how well mannered, polite, and respectful our kids are...so we must be doing SOMETHING right. My kids bring me so much joy, and unconditional love, I am truly blessed!



My youngest daughter, just had her dance recital last weekend, and it was wonderful and bittersweet all at the same time. See, my step-dad Mike used to LOVE to watch my daughter dance in her recital, the only year he missed it was when he was in the hospital. So I was happy to see her dance, but so sad  because I miss my dad, but I'm sure he was watching down from heaven!

   

My oldest daughter will be 13 in about 3 weeks...YIKES, I'm too YOUNG to have a TEENAGER! I am so proud of my daughter, she amazes me on a daily basis. She is so kind, and loving and she is always looking for ways to help others. She has a heart of gold. I am so proud to be her mother!

My husband and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in May, and I am still amazed on a daily basis how wonderful he is. He is patient, kind, generous, and loving. We have had our share of bumpy roads, but as long as he is by my side I believe that we can and will get through anything. He is everything that I want and need, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him!

So, yes things have changed in the past  few years, but change doesn't always equal bad. I am sad sometimes that my parents are missing out on what wonderful kids I have, but then I remind myself that if they REALLY cared about my kids they would stop trying to blame ME for everything and actually GROW up, be adults and try to FIX this situation. I cannot hold on to that hope anymore, I MUST let go.

We will continue to move forward as one big happy family!

Lifes choices....and learning

I am 35 and yes I have made some bad choices in my life (who hasn't) but I am on the path to learning how to live with those decisions, and not beat myself up for them.

More specifically I have been thinking about my choice to end my relationships with my parents, and my brother. I have learned a few lessons throughout this process, some good....some bad, but I'm learning nonetheless.

I have learned that no matter how badly you want someone to change you can not will it to happen. They have to WANT to change, but if they don't have it in em', you are fighting a losing battle, and that's where I am now in this process. I am seeing things with a new set of eyes...open ones! For so long, I was in denial right along with the rest of my family, it was only after I got out of the abuse that I was able to see just how truly dysfunctional my family really is.

Am I perfect? HECK NO, but I am able to see things a lot more clearly now and the future looks bright. The healing process is a funny thing, but I'm trusting the process and continuing to put one foot in front of the other.....look out!

What kind of mother?

Throughout my life I have faced many challenges but getting through the emotional damage has proven to be one of my most difficult. I wrestled with the idea of severing my relationships with my parents for a LONG time, I put up with a LOT from both of them before I finally said..enough is ENOUGH. 

Even though I cut my ties many months ago, from what I hear my mother is still bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen to her. It used to bother me, but now it just makes me LAUGH, and I realize more and more just how miserable a person she really is. She keeps telling everyone that I am "making things up" or that my memories are "wrong" and that I need to just "get over it, it's been 30 years" Well, she is right about one thing...I do need to learn how to get over what she has done, and I am making great strides in that direction, BUT I honestly don't think she even fathoms, or cares to for that matter, the extent of the emotional damage that she has inflicted. It has literally impacted my WHOLE LIFE, and yet she is so quick to dismiss me, and tell me to "get over it" Does this sound to you like someone who is sorry for what they've done?

I guess my question to her would be, "If you are so convinced that you were a good mother, and did the best you could than why do you constantly feel the need to explain, and justify your actions to your friends and other family members? Why are you on such a mission to make me look bad? It's because you are GUILTY and you know it! Just keep lying to your friends, they won't know any better, but YOU and I both do, and that's all that matters! No matter how many people you lie to, the FACTS will still remain the same, so go ahead, keep lying!

She is a master manipulator, and will do anything to make herself look like a victim in any situation, it's ALWAYS someone else's fault and this is just another example.
Is it not enough that she and my father have caused so much emotional damage that I'm STILL trying to get over it? Is it not enough, that I don't talk to her anymore? I mean, what kind of mother makes it her mission to destroy her child? Try as she might, she will NOT succeed. I am happier than I have ever been now that she is out of my life, and even though it has been a struggle, and will probably continue to be for a while...I am taking steps forward each day, and learning how to heal! I will keep working at being a better person, and although I'm not there yet....one day I WILL be completely OVER this, and where will she be? Alone with her LIES!