One of my friends posted this on Facebook today, and it really got me thinking! When I first started this blog it was because I wanted to talk about my experiences with panic attacks and anxiety, which led me into sharing some very intimate details about my life, I thought that by starting at the beginning, and going through all the pain again, it would some how help me heal, but really all it did was just bring all that pain right back to the surface.
The truth is, I will probably never understand why my parents treated me the way that they did but honestly, it doesn't even really matter now because neither one of them are a part of my life anymore, and I couldn't be happier. After reading this quote today, I realized that I don't need to keep those bad memories alive in order to heal. I am much stronger than I give myself credit for, and I do not need to dwell in the past. I am much more than that abused little girl who has held on to that hurt for so many years. I can do better, be better, in fact I AM better.
The healing process is not quick, and I am still learning that, I am also learning how to love the person that I am, and I'm actually starting to really like myself....which is a BIG step for me! Getting rid of the negativity in my life was like being born again! Things are much clearer to me now, and I am willing and able to go after what I want, need, and DESERVE!
Of course I was sad, that's part of the reason I was talking about my abusive past, but there is no more room for sadness here, it's all about moving on, and cherishing the love that I have from my husband, my kids, and my family on my husbands side.
So I'm sorry if my readers feel like I "left em hangin'" but I have decided not to entertain that "small life" anymore because I don't want to be stuck there. I want to LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE!! and there is no room to do that If I'm letting my abusers win. So from now on, that past stays in the past!
Here's to the BIG LIFE!
