I have been thinking a lot lately, about my past, about my life, and about my future. I am realizing that although I have had some really shitty things happen to me in my life, I CAN be better. I don't have to let these things define who I am. I belive that I am keeping myself stuck in the same place because I don't know how to move forward. I have done a lot of work in order to help myself move on, and I think it's time for me to forgive. Not for them, but for me! This does not mean I will let these people back in my life, it simply means letting go of the bitterness, and anger that I hold for them and letting them go out of my head, out of my heart, and out of my life....for good!
I think that sometimes I get so focused on what has happened to me, that I forget to look at whats right in front of me. An amazing husband who loves me UNCONDITIONALLY, great kids, and amazing family (on my husbands side) and a ton of great friends! I need to realize that this is all I need!
I have finally accepted that no matter how hard I try my mother and father will NEVER change, I will always be at fault, and I can see tthat now. They are not capable of love, they use, manipulate, and intimidate in order to contol people, and I just don't want that in my life anymore. I am better than that. Maybe one day they will look back and be sorry for what they have done, and what they have missed out on...hell, maybe not but at least I know that I have done everything I can to be a good daughter...it's just toooooo bad that they could never appreciate it.
Life goes on, and so will WE!
First off.....I totally agree that you need to move on...ha....yeah......I also know that's a whole lot easier said than done. Something I learned a long time ago is this...You can NEVER change anyone. You can only change how you feel about them. It's a sad,sad situation...no matter how you slice it. And you are getting the raw end of the deal,true enough. It's kind of a trickle down effect. Because your kids are getting a raw deal as well. Robbed of that very special bond a child shares with a grandparent. A love like no other....hopefully your husbands parents are normal,loving grandparents to your 3 lovely children.It's a crying shame is what it is. Sickens me and saddens me.You are such an extraordinary person....with such a huge heart ..in SPITE of all you've had to endure. You are a "survivor". And although you didn't come out of it completely unscathed...I'd say you came out of it with a strong determination to STOP THE CYCLE. You have survived the odds. Statistically....children of abusive parents abuse their own children. And I know what a terrific mommy you are...and how much you adore your family.This is refreshing...in an ordeal which otherwise STINKS. I love you...I pray for you. I ask God to release the burdens of the past that have haunted for too long. I am ALWAYS here for you...if ever you need me,dear,sweet Brandy.You are one strong woman.
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